Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
