So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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