he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
