Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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