you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
