At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
