matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
