It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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