We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
