All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
