My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
