I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
