dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
