There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
