Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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