Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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