ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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