your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
