dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
