I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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