does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
