I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
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that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
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Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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