hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
