can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
