If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
