I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
