Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
