I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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