I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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