I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
