Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
