At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
