u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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