I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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