i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
