Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
