did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
