My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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