The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
