He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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