I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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