Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
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FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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