i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
