He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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