there's paper in my vomit.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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