Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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