I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
