the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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