when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
