no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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