well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
