i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
