Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
