It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
