Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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