Pants 0. Shit 1.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
