sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
