i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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