I'm pants shitting drunk right now
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
