Are we in a gay sports bar?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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