My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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