You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
